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Everywhere I look, there you are Hawai’i Nei. Glancing at me through trinkets in people’s houses. Relics brought back from their voyages. They pierce back at me as to say. “I’m here, just as you are here.” How do I escape something that has infused every fiber of my being? I am who I am because of you, Hawai’i Nei. A complicated past but nevertheless lovely and pono. Although I could not make it home, you brought me back to life in your waters and mountains. You brought me back to myself. You brought me back to my roots.
Life is a process, but the power of our processing mind makes it interesting for better or for worse.
There was nowhere to hide. Sensations like thunderstruck me. “What could I do? Where could I go?”
I knew I was overwhelmed. The thought of being still was contrary to the feeling of urgency I felt.
Sitting still with my eyes closed seemed the opposite of where my energy wanted to go. I wanted to be like the wind on a hot day, lukewarm and slightly uplifted, going places and seeing people. Having passing experiences that forged onto novel roads.
Are these my nomadic ancestors wanting to take the reins, but how many times have I started over for the sake of starting over? Too many? Not enough?
Not enough. What an illusion this could be for the stoics. The thought of never setting foot in the same river twice and considering death as an old friend after a life of enduring acceptance.
The way we feel about ourselves dictates how we process our reality. According to the HRSA, Health Resources & Service Administration;
“Two in five Americans report that they sometimes or always feel their social relationships are not meaningful, and one in five say they feel lonely or socially isolated. The lack of connection can have life-threatening consequences, said Brigham Young University professor Julianne Holt-Lunstad, who testified before the U.S. Senate in April 2017 that the problem is structural as well as psychological.”
Bonds are important because apart from making us feel like kids again, bonds reduce the risk of mortality and help to speed up recovery when we are ill and acts as a buffer for developing certain diseases. So how do we open up ourselves to the gift of friendship?
We train ourselves to withhold judgment not only with others but with ourselves too.
To judge or not to Judge? It’s not even a question. We all judge. It keeps us safe from obscure situations. Being able to judge circumstances is a survival instinct that humans carry and it serves us well, but when it comes to making connections it can create barriers for us.
When I was younger I was not as social as I am now. I lived a rather preoccupied life with lots of emotional baggage and because of this, I missed many opportunities to get to know most of my peers. That’s something that I regret. I realized with maturity and inner work that I was living with this filter which made me feel rejected and different from others. Because I felt this way, others perceived me as such. I held a divisive attitude and my peers mirrored this back to me completing the self-fulfilling prophecy.
After much contemplation, I saw that it wasn’t that my peers were rejecting me, it was I who was rejecting them. However, at the time, I took their rejection as confirmation of my strongly held beliefs.
I decided to proactively work on this and the crucial step that I took was to work on the most important relationship I could have. The relationship with myself.
You see, how you feel about yourself matters. It matters tremendously!
This is what it means when people say that you create your reality. Your thoughts influence your emotions which influence your actions and then the world mirrors this back to you. It’s a cause and effect.
So ask yourself what are some strongly held beliefs that you carry and are they serving you well? If there are some beliefs that you would rather toss out, trash them. Nothing is keeping you from finding beliefs that support the experiences you want to have.
During yoga class, we did a backward bend. Upon returning to a sitting position, I felt a whirlwind of sensations, it was very uncomfortable and disorienting. While I was feeling terrible and dwelling on the negative sensation, the yoga instructor said to the class, “Just because we are uncomfortable we don’t have to attach suffering to it.” This was the golden nugget of wisdom!
“ Just because we are uncomfortable we don’t have to attach suffering to it.”
It will be uncomfortable to shift strongly held beliefs, but along with this discomfort there need not be suffering. As we assimilate the beliefs that seemed so foreign to us they eventually will become second nature.
It is so easy to forget that we are in charge. That we have tools. You have something that no circumstance can take away and that is your will.
I know, sometimes it feels that we can think our way into finding whatever answer we are seeking if we just spend more time thinking about it. But in fact, your mind needs to step back in order to get some clarity.
So how can you use your will to get your mind to work for you, not the other way around? Meditate.
You sit down, close your eyes and use your will to focus on breathing through your nose. Meditation trains your mind to concentrate on a single point. In this case, it’s the feeling of oxygen coming into and out your nose. This is the anchor. Your mind will want to start thinking about everything else. Stop! Focus on feeling that nice oxygen going in and out your body. This is your anchor.
This is why mediation is like strength training for your will.
Sit down.
Breathe through your nose.
When you catch yourself looping something over in your mind. Breathe through your nose. Focus on your breathing as if your life depended on it. Before you know it, you will feel better because you officially willed yourself into having peace of mind.
Success!
Gentle Reminder:
Take it in strides. No one ever went to the gym and started bench pressing hundreds of pounds on their first day, or second day or well, you get the point.
Your will is the boss of your mind. Your breathing is the motion that keeps you anchored. Keep at it, it WILL get easier.
