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I recalled reading a fictional story about a kingdom that would murder their king on the first signs of aging - graying hair. In this society, they idolized youth and physical prowess.
Once it was discovered that the king had sprouted a white hair, whoever was to be his successor would have to slay the “old king” and take his place. This village would frequently repeat their mistakes century after century since there was no king experienced enough that could lead them out of their habitual slip-ups. The current king was known to be fair and just - the greatest king the village had seen for a long time.
One night, the king found a single white hair and it kept him up at night knowing that his days were numbered. Worried, he summoned to his quarters his favorite courtesan, the most loyal and the youngest of his harem. He confided in her his shameful secret. She then swore to keep his secret safe and assist him every night by combing through his hair and pluck any new grey ones to buy him time until he came up with a plan to escape. I get the feeling that we are now living in this hypothetical village where youth is worshiped and growing old is a looming sentence over our heads.
As new gray hairs pop-up on my head, I feel the impulse to quickly do something about it, paint them, cut them, or hide them. I’ve asked myself, what does this say about my values? Why conceal all signs of aging? Is aging not a natural state of life? Since the day we are born we are constantly growing older by the minute. Why are gray hairs so horrifying? Or is it that the culture I find myself in has decided that growing old is a shameful thing, something that holds no worth? If I truly cherish my seniors then why do I reject growing older myself? I lack consistency in my beliefs. I can’t honor my ancestors and yet be embarrassed about aging.
As in Nietzsche’s Zarathustra, I too decided to form my own beliefs; I walk into the jungle of my mind to unpack anything with which I have been saddled like a camel so that I may come out at the other end, a lion. Amid the jungle, I pick apart my views and decide which beliefs are the ones I want to uphold and which lack consistency. This is how I become a master of my own making, not a slave of circumstance.
Today, Coronavirus is sweeping the globe and some of us are perfectly content disregarding social distancing at the cost of the lives of our elderly.
Do we not value wisdom? Have we decided as a collective that the fathers and mothers of our society are not worthy of extraordinary effort? Are we so caught up in the idolization of wealth, power, and beauty that we have lost sight of what matters? Ultimately, we all grow old and will need the youth to defend our rights when we are not able to speak up for ourselves, especially the most valuable right of all - the right to live.
If you are ever curious about what your culture values, all you have to do is observe your environment.
"If you are ever curious about what your culture values, all you have to do is observe your environment."
I have visited a few senior citizen and assisted living nursing homes; these are places where families pay to send their elderly or where the government places senior citizens without family, to be cared for by strangers. If you have visited some of these institutions, you will immediately know that you will never want to spend the remainder of your days here, sitting in a wheelchair, staring at a wall, and smelling urine without a loved one in sight. From what I have heard, these residences have something called a “Do not call order”. It’s a signed request by the family to not receive calls from their kin no matter how much the resident begs and pleads, with the exception of emergencies
I met Lisa, a caregiver at one of these homes, at a café by mere coincidence one day; she was lost in thought and looked to be very broken and sad. I asked her if she was okay and found out that she worked as a caregiver and a few of her residents had passed away in her home that week. She is the one that told me about the “Do not call” order. Then she said the following,
“You wouldn’t believe how much of a difference a phone call makes to them. It’s the difference between good weeks and bad weeks. Some of the time, their relatives will come to visit them and they need help to use the bathroom and even though they know that it is my job to do it, they will look at their son or daughter and say, “will you help me?” And you know what their visitors do? They become bothered and step outside of the room to call me. All that these elderly residents want is some love and assistance from their family. It breaks my heart and makes me angry to know that they have passed away feeling abandoned.”
She also shared that she had a resident who was a singer that had the most beautiful voice but after a month of living in the home she stopped singing and her health deteriorated due to what Lisa thought was loneliness. I asked her if this was something that happened often and she nodded her head. She answered that it was a recurring pattern that new residents tend to deteriorate rapidly once they are placed in these homes.
This is the society that we live in. This is acceptable to our standards.
Now, I understand that the American lifestyle doesn’t make it easy to care for our elders. We are often occupied with our careers so much that we barely have time for ourselves and our children, let alone our parents who might need care around the clock. But the world has a way of rearranging itself if we decide that some things are non-negotiable. As we have seen with the current pandemic, societal transformation is dictated by what we value. If it is the norm to hide our links to the past away, then how are we to learn from our mistakes? We require the wisdom of our elders to guide us when history is starting to repeat itself. We need them just as much as they need us. The reality is that we are all going to age and we will need help at some point so now is the time to help our most vulnerable and set the standards for how we would like to be treated.
-K